New York State of Mind
by mabelreid
Summary: One shot Song Fic DL Set after Sleight out of Hand. Danny has gone home to New York, but Lindsay is still at home. Why is she staying away now that the trial is over. Her mother must convince her to go home. Third season spoilers.


_A/n special thanks to CrImInAlMiNdScSiNyFaN87 for her encouragement in writing this piece._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from CSI NY or the lyrics to Billy Joel's song "New York State of Mind" No copyright infringement is intended with this post. _

Crash… another glass slipped out of her wet hand and shattered on the floor of the kitchen. "Damn it!" She muttered, bending down to pick up the large pieces and throw them in the garbage can under the sink. She carefully picked up all the pieces she could see, and then she grabbed a paper towel, wet it and blotted the floor for the smallest pieces.

"Lindsay… that's the third glass you've broken in the last three days." Donna Monroe said from behind her daughter. "Is there something bothering you?"

Lindsay straightened up and threw the sodden paper towel away. She didn't turn around right away; instead she began to run possible excuses through her mind while dipping her hands back into the sudsy water.

She couldn't come up with a plausible excuse because her brain turned back to the same moment it had been chewing on for the last week.

_She had been sitting in the court room and testifying against the man that had killed her friends. She was barely holding it together during the questioning. She'd been about to breakdown completely when the doors to the court room had opened and Danny walked in. At first she'd been too astonished to believe that he was there, and then calm had fallen over her as if she had been submerged in a warm soothing bath._

_Her back had straightened and she had felt her lips curving up in a smile. The headache that was pounding through her head receded at bit. Tears had welled up in her eyes and now she was able to blink them back. He hadn't smiled at her, but his eyes had spoken to her, their calm reassurance bringing her back in balance. She was able to go on._

_Afterwards, he escorted her out of the court room without a word. He took her to dinner and it wasn't until after she ate that she told him everything, the reason she'd pulled away, what happened to her friends, everything she longed to tell him for months. _

_He'd listened without judgment or comment, while he held her in his arms. She took him home, introduced him to Peter and Donna Monroe. He hadn't stayed though, he informed her that he had hotel reservations for the night and he would be with her the next day when the verdict came in. _

_He'd been there to give her strength and to hold her hand as her world shifted and fell back into place. The verdict was guilty, and he'd been as happy as she was to see the end of a ten year ordeal. He was going to walk away at the end but she tugged him back and their almost kiss graced all the headlines for days… _

"Lindsay… did you hear what I said?" Her mother's exasperated voice asked.

She yanked her hands out of the water and turned to face her mother. Her mom was five foot six inches tall and they had the same hair color, but her mother's eyes were green instead of brown. They had the same steely determination and the same sharp wit.

"I'm sorry about the glass mom. I'll pay you back for it." She said distractedly.

"Honey… I don't care about the glass. I'm worried about you. You've been moping around her for a week when you should be happy. When are you going home?"

_Some folks like to get away  
Take a holiday from the neighborhood  
Hop a flight to Miami Beach  
Or to Hollywood  
But I'm talking a Greyhound  
On the Hudson River Line  
I'm in a New York state of mind_

Lindsay turned back to the stack of pans that still littered the counter tops and began to swipe at one of them with the dishcloth.

"I'm fine mom. I just need to get my head together before I go back." Lindsay said over her shoulder.

"I think you are avoiding that nice Danny Messer, that's what I think." He mother said, and she smirked at the way her daughters back tensed at the mention of Danny's name.

"I'm not avoiding him. We had a good long talk the night he came here." She replied to her mother as though this explained everything.

"I know that, but then he had to leave right after the verdict and you stayed here. You told your boss that you wanted to visit with your family and wrap up loose ends. Now I know that your not here out of any burning desire to see your family."

Lindsay whipped around, her soapy hands dripping water onto the floor as she spoke. "Mom… that's not true… I love you, and Daddy, and Steve. I wanted to spend more time with you."

"I know you love us," Donna said. She moved across the room to the radio and snapped it on Billy Joel was singing "New York State of Mind." She smirked at the timing and then turned back to her daughter

_I've seen all the movie stars  
In their fancy cars and their limousines  
Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens  
But I know what I'm needing  
And I don't want to waste more time  
I'm in a New York state of mind_

"See… even the radio agrees with me." Donna added watching her daughter's cheeks go pink as she picked up another pan and lowered it into the hot sudsy water.

"Mom I don't -"

"Lindsay, as much as it hurts me to realize this, Montana isn't your home any more. It hasn't been your home for two years now. You're a true New Yorker now and you belong there with Danny. He loves you very much."

"Does he," she asked before she could stop herself. "He's my friend and I treated him terribly before I came here…" She trialed off and put the pan she was rinsing into the drying rack.

"I know, you told me. He obviously doesn't care; why else would he fly almost three thousand miles to see you. He told me that was his first trip out of the East Coast. If that isn't love sweetie, I don't know what is." He mother said with dancing eyes that irritated Lindsay because she knew in her heart her mother was right.

The truth was that she missed her friends and the madness of the crime lab and she desperately missed Danny, but she was scared. Sure… he'd been wonderful to her here, but she figured that was because they were still friends and she thought he thought he had to be nice to her in front of her parents.

Donna watched her daughter very closely. The younger woman had the same look in her eye that she used to get as a child doing a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces were beginning to fall into place. She wondered if her daughter got that same look in the lab.

"What if I go back and he doesn't want to be more then friends?" Lindsay finally asked, resuming her pan washing.

"Then you'll find a way to go on, you always have. You're the strongest person I know kitten. Don't worry though, I saw how he looked at you and he won't pull away." Donna said.

Lindsay felt tears pushing up in her eyes, and her nose and throat burned with the effort to hold them back, but it wasn't any use. She put down the saucepan she was cleaning, and wiping her hands on the dish towel. One hand went to her face to dash away the tears before her mother saw them. An arm came around her and her mother's soft voice said, "Don't cry kitten… just go home. Tell him how you feel and let things run their course. I promise you won't be disappointed."

_It was so easy living day by day  
Out of touch with the rhythm and blues  
But now I need a little give and take  
The New York Times, The Daily News_

Lindsay leaned into her mothers embrace until the steadiness returned to her hands and she thought she could speak without a quaver in her voice. "Okay mom, you win, I'll finish the dishes and call the airlines."

"I'll finish these pans, you're going to go get packed. You have three hours to get to the airport."

Lindsay gaped at her mother, "but there's no way I'm getting a flight to New York same day."

Donna couldn't stop the wide smile that ran across her face at the look on her daughter's face. "That's true, but you're going first class. I bought the ticket yesterday."

"Mom, I love you and I appreciate it, but you and Daddy can't afford this." Lindsay protested even as her mind began to try to remember where she put her hair brush, and if her favorite jeans were out of the wash.

"Hey… we did very well this year. We talked about it and we decided yesterday that you weren't going on you own, so we decided to prod you out of here. Now stop stalling and get upstairs, you've got to pack quickly." Donna said swatting her lightly on the backside.

"Mom…" she cried indignantly, but she was smiling. She was going home and the excitement that burst up in her stomach made her hands shake and her head light.

"Get going," her mother said again, prodding her to the door with one finger.

"Okay… I'm going… I'm going." Lindsay grumbled as she left the kitchen and headed for the stairs.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First class was so cool. She had a big comfy seat next to the window, and no annoying person next to her that wanted to talk about their boring life as a paper goods salesman. She didn't have to worry about brushing off a guy hitting on her that wouldn't take no for an answer, or a noisy kid that pinched her arm or kicked her legs. This was going to be the best flight she'd ever taken.

The excitement that filled her belly from the moment she decided to come home, only intensified as the plane made its way west cruising at thirty six thousand feet. She couldn't eat the food they gave her, or drink anything. She tried to read, but couldn't get past the first page of the book she brought with her.

She got up and went to the bathroom and splashed water on her face, but the churning in her stomach wouldn't go away. A flight attendant stopped at her seat after she sat down to ask her if she wanted anything. Lindsay told her no distractedly and sat down to try to read again. She looked at her watch and sighed. There was still two hours till she got there. She put the book down and looked out the window.

Her mind began to wander as she looked out at the deep blue of the cloudless sky. The first time she'd flown to New York she'd been excited, but it was different then now. It was the excitement and fear of a country girl going to the big city for the first time. Now she was going back to her home.

_It comes down to reality  
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide  
Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside  
I don't have any reasons  
I've left them all behind  
I'm in a New York state of mind_

She couldn't wait to see Central Park again, or Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, the crime lab, and any of a hundred other places she knew like the back of her hand. Eventually her thoughts went where she didn't want them to go… Danny.

Two years ago when they first met, she never thought she would love him the way she did now, but it was a fact, and he was a part of her life she couldn't toss aside even if she wanted to. She let her thoughts chase themselves around her brain, and when the pilot announced their decent into New York, her stomach began to flutter again.

The wheels touching down on the tarmac and the scream of the engines didn't register in her ears; she was too busy trying to remember how to breathe. This was it, she was home. It was six pm on a Friday night. Where would she go first? She didn't want to go back to her apartment; she was too restless for that.

She pulled her carryon from the overhead bin and waited impatiently to deplane. There was no one there to meet her when she stepped into the waiting area at the gate. There were so many people walking, running, carrying baggage or dragging it along behind them. Families with small crying children and business people talking on their cells while looking for gate numbers. She loved it, the madness and all.

She pulled her phone out of the pocket when she reached the baggage claim and while she waited for her bags she talked to a friend. The friend was upset that Lindsay hadn't told them she was coming home and they tried to get her to wait till they could come pick her up. Lindsay told them no, that she would get a cab, and then she asked the friend for a favor. She finished the call just as her bags appeared on the carousel.

_It comes down to reality  
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide  
Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside  
I don't have any reasons  
I've left them all behind  
I'm in a New York state of mind  
_

She was in luck, the cabs were lined up waiting and she had her pick. After getting into the vehicle she began to laugh when the driver turned and began to speak to her with a Staten Island drawl.

"Where ya goin' miss," He said with a smile and a wink.

"Sullivan's it's in…"

"Ya don't gotta tell me honey… I know Sullivan's." He informed her.

"Okay!" She settled back into the seat, and prepared to enjoy the ride.

"I'm Tony," he offered. He had dark hair, deep brown eyes and a wide smile. He looked about forty and was about forty pounds heavier then his height allowed. He wore a plaid cap on his head and his cab was actually pretty clean.

"Lindsay Monroe." She hadn't planned on talking, but she couldn't resist that accent, it made her heart race and her palms sweat.

"Ya glad ta be home, am I right." He asked, looking at her in the rearview mirror as he glided through the traffic as if he'd been born in the middle of it.

"Yes, it's good to be back." She agreed.

"Ya ain't from around here." It wasn't a question.

"No, I moved here two years ago." She said, divulging more to a stranger in five minutes then she ever had in her whole life.

"It's home though," he said knowingly.

"Yes, its home."

They fell into a companionable silence for the rest of the trip. He helped her with her suitcase and overnight bag when they reached Sullivan's. She paid him, and when he calculated the tip, his smile went even wider.

"Thanks, I might knock off early ta'night." He said, pulling away from the curb.

She picked up her luggage and thought how stupid it was of her not to go home first, but oh well the dye was cast. She pushed open the door and went inside. She looked around and saw Stella sitting facing the door. Lindsay wove her way through the crowd to the back of the room and stopped behind a familiar brush of dirty blond hair. The others were listening to Flack, and hadn't noticed Lindsay as she put down her luggage next to the window.

"…so I told him that it was pretty stupid to just leave the knife out for us to find it." Flack was saying.

Lindsay pulled a tube of lipstick out of her bag and stuck it in Danny's back. He stiffened, and she said in her best spaghetti western villain voice. "Reach for the sky cowboy."

He whipped around in his chair so fast, he almost knocked her over. His face broke into a grin and she knew that it was going to be okay.

"Montana… I see you missed me." He said cheekily.

"Naw, I missed Flack." She shot back and began to laugh when the detective choked on his beer and began to splutter.

"Danny… I don't know what she's talking about… I swear."

"Oh relax… have another drink." Danny told him magnanimously. He stood up and grabbed Lindsay's luggage.

"Hey where you going…" Hawkes whined. "I want to hear all about the trip."

"Some other time," Danny said and he led Lindsay out of the room.

"I wonder what that was all about." Sid said inanely.

"Somehow I don't think we're ever going to find out." Stella said comfortably.

Danny took Lindsay home and even though they spent most of the night talking, Stella was right, no one ever knew the details of that evening.

Lindsay's mother was right though, New York was her home, and Danny was her life and nothing would interfere with that ever again.

_I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line  
'Cause I'm in a New York state of mind  
_


End file.
